Day -1

I wake up. One last day. One day before I leave everything I know, before I step out of my comfort zone and plunge into something totally foreign. As the day progresses and I begin to prepare for my journey, I start to feel a sickness in the core of my being. No matter where I look, what I think, what I do, it all is a reminder of what will very soon be gone. The thing that I wished for so dearly and worked so hard for is ready for me, but am I ready for it?

I fold here, put a shirt there, bind here, zip there. "What do I routinely do?" I wonder as my mind bolts. Twitching anxiously, I am lazily restless as a storm lingers above. Rain. The smell comforts and stabs into me: a unique aroma that I had loved and looked forward to ever since my first day in that motel...

I know that I am headed to an exciting and amazing part of my life, but right now-- I am dealing with the worst heart break imaginable. Finding a role and place where you once swore to never speak; achieving belonging and building your mental home in a location taken for granted by most; leaving the hell that became your sacred place///
.]]]
The volume is drowned out by silence. The happiness is infested with longing. You must go. You must grow. Enjoy your days -- look at how far we have come! I approach my daunting reality. There is nothing to hold onto, no pillow to squeeze or jacket to recede into. No beanie to tug, no arm that comforts;

Yes. I am happy. Yes, I am excited. Yes I want to continue, but right now I am at a rough and life-altering transition. As the sun sets and the beauty of the city shines through the dark sky, I feel the sands grow heavier. I look up and see it running scarce, those tiny, precious moments casually falling through, the moisture on my face casually dripping blue

Waiting is killer. Let's leave already. Let's have the time of our lives, Yves. Let's make our future self proud.