It's a Monday yet again. I feel tired because I stayed up until two with my brother. Since he officially ended school, he decided to play video games with me until I got way too tired and started to fall asleep. He played the game I made (he didn't win) and I made some challenges for him to complete on a tf2 map in gmod. We ate American candies and talked about American presidents and some Korean current events. We also played some Minecraft and bonded. It was pretty great! We didn't have internet in that particular room, but we still managed to have a ton of fun. I woke up, pushing my alarm clock time further and further until it was already 7:20AM. I usually ate breakfast at 7:20AM, so, needless to say, I jumped out of bed and quickly got ready, eating breakfast quickly and rushing out of the door. Before I left, I heard my mother scolding my brother for eating candies. He left out the wrappers and out room was a bit of a mess, although I did try to tidy it up a bit before I went to sleep. I had some dreams about home again, but I was excited to get back into school and get back into the swing of things. Today, I listened to my music, walking out the door with style with the world button off as I walked on by. I was lost in my music and thoughts while also not being present in the area that I was in. Through this method, I was able to put on a rbf but not feel sad. Although I love to stop and smell the roses, I'm slowly assimilating into this rushing culture. With my destination unclear, I was just in autopilot with no need to steer. I live in the moments where I can, while walking everywhere with purpose and as if I had to be somewhere quickly, all with an apathetic face. This way, I was able to go through stores naturally, looking at everything while simultaneously not looking at anything. I would walk through the store and walk out, all only stopping as if I was doing something important. (ㅋ) On my way to the school, I spot Sura waiting for the train in Sadang. We talk for a bit and the train arrives. It's packed to the brim with people and very. warm. We decide to switch carts. We start pushing our way into a different cart when we spot Jessica! We decide to just stay in the same cart and talk until we get to our destination. We stop by a 7/11 store nearby the college and buy some drinks. The store had a 1+1 special where if you buy one drink, you get another of the same drink for free. I didn't understand this, so I kept getting the 1+1 wrong. At first, I thought it meant that you can get any other drink for free as well. Then, I thought that it meant you can get any similar drink for free. Then, right as I understood, the drink that I originally bought had run out, so I just got a water with my disgusting tea drink. Well, it wasn't disgusting until I started drinking it, so I guess "I just got a water with my tea drink." *** We got to the college and our classes. During class today, 분위기가 좋아요. The content was a bit difficult to me to understand because we moved onto a new chapter, so I hadn't learned most of the words that we used in the reading and examples. We got information about our week: On Thursday, we will have our midterm. On Friday, we will have a field trip to a Korean market. On Saturday, we will have a NSLI-Y wide camp where we compare life in America with the lives of Korean students in, well, Korea. Also, my mother will be leaving for a three day trip to Europe for a 30 year planned class reunion. On Sunday, my mother will return from Europe and we will go to shop for clothing at around 2 or 3PM. Later, I will watch a scary movie with either myself or someone that doesn't exist right now. Needless to say, this week is jam packed with activities and i'm very excited. During our weekly meetings, we talked about our 'roses, thorns, and buds' of the program. Afterwards, I ate 짜장면 with Jessica at a really cute Chinese restaurant and the food was actually amazing!! We talked about our ventures in Korea, our host family stories, and meeting famous music producers. nbd Afterwards, we got some bobba and I left her at the station to go celebrity watching some more with other NSLI-Yians. After an awkward sequence of events involving arm and step, I managed to make it to the bank near the school, where I reunited with Ariel and Elliya. We went to an 'authentic' 'bakery' and did some Korean homework while eating the 'bread' that the 'store' had 'baked.' After leaving the 'authentic' 'bakery,' we went to a cafe that we had been to before and, after I showed Ariel and Elliya some weird adult swim videos, we actually did our homework. I left to go back home and was greeted with a lot of food. With enthusiasm, I attempted my Korean with my mother and brother. My Korean is still not so good, but it's coming faster and I can actually feel my progress, which is a bit exciting. I still do, however, have a ton of homework. As I said on the kakao talk, Тнат Fееl Wнеи 숙제가 만아요 그리고 시간이 없어요. For the remainder of the day, I have been splitting my time between writing this blog, fixing my homework for my supporter group, and doing my homework. Notice how I said I wasn't studying my vocabulary. Yep. That usually takes about 4-5 hours per 30-50 set. However, I'm so busy and burn out from studying new words constantly that I have not been on top of my word review game. It's hard to balance doing a huge load of work while also doing a lot outside of studying. See, if I do one, then I feel like i'm missing out on the other. I study and get better at Korean, but I don't have experiences of being in Korea. I go out into the city and don't study, so my Korean doesn't get better. It's a lose lose situation. Kind of. Not really. Ah whatever- you get the point. I will give you all some extra stuffs on a different post, so you catch a glimpse of my work life. For now, I will say goodnight! I must wake up early in the morning because I still have about 100lbs of homework, give or take. Sleep a sleep tonight! ^^;
This day, I woke up having done something that I thought was continuous to my dream (here is a hint to my future self, swimming pool, waterfall inside of the school, he color green). I delay my alarm more and more as I live in my dreams, trying to spend as much time in my head as I can without remembering to wake up. I feel very comfortable until I start to head people downstairs. I check my clock. 8:05AM. We are supposed to leave for the swimming pool at 9:00AM. I get my self up and wash up in the restroom and go downstairs for breakfast. We had some tofu soup, kimchi, sausage, and rice. It was pretty good. After watching some Harry Potter on the telly, we headed over to a university through a taxi to get to a swimming pool. It was lightly showering, feeling amazing. We got to the university: a large, gray building that looked super important. Apparently, it looked like what Kim Jong Un's house looks like. We go into the college, asking for the swimming pool-- an apparently beautiful outdoor pool. However, the pool seemed to be closed today as well as the indoor pool. We go to the college's convenience store and get some snacks before catching a bus to go to Seoul. The two hour bus ride to Seoul felt very short, but it was definitely nice to see nature one more. I was sad that the rain ended up stopping, but nature was still beautiful without it. We went back home through taxi and I spent the rest of the day studying Korean and watching videos about mysteries and creepy stories. That's basically all I did. Today was actually pretty uneventful and tomorrow I have class again. For now, I will say goodnight once again. Goodbye. -end
Today, my alarm clock failed to wake me up. I had some wonderful, horrible, bittersweetish dreams. I always dream of things from home, but the location is in Korea. I guess I just really wish my friends and family were with me here. I end up waking up at 10:00AM. oh shit. We are supposed to be leaving to go to grandpa's house at 11:00AM. But... Why is the house silent? I'm disappointed that my alarm clock stole two hours from me, but I listen carefully, looking out of the window. Nothing. Wait. I see a streak of white outside of my window. Another! Is something wrong with my vision? What are these white streaks? I look more carefully, walking towards the window slowly. I see more and more streaks aaaand-- it's raining. Oh. I wash up and go into the living room. The clock is upturned for some reason and nobody is awake. I go on my computer and watch some YouTube videos. It's a beautiful rainy day!! After a bit, my mother wakes up. She tells me, 오늘 아침에 피가 많이 왔어. Because it rained a lot and is still raining, we were going to leave at 1 instead of 11. I continue to watch videos about some intriguing, mysterious, and slightly creepy stories on YouTube as my mother prepares breakfast. We eat breakfast as a family. Kimbap, 감자전, and potato salad sandwiches. Along with my bubbly vitamin drink, I enjoy this absolutely delicious meal. We prepare to leave and shortly, we are driving through a slightly rainy Seoul in our comfy Mercedes Benz. Listening to music and enjoying my feeling of chrycallism, I am the epitome of comfort. Looking out the window and seeing nature along with technology and buildings, I have a wonderful, new feeling-- one as if I was in Japan, playing Pokemon while on a road trip. On the way to the grandpas house, we stopped by a building that was basically a graveyard. We visited my father's parents' grave/tomb. In this stunningly beautiful place, the essence of death takes on a more positive mood. The openness of the building and the sheer size of it gives the area a feeling of possibilities and future. There is a large banner that grieved the passing of a recent death from a popular actor. We leave the place and go back onto the road. I begin to fall asleep, trying my absolute hardest to stay awake. The seat I was in had a built in pillow for the headrest, the temperature was perfect, the movements of the car felt like a massage, my music playing In my ear felt comforting and among this, i was dry while watching my surroundings and how the rain made things beautiful. Just about every requirement on my sleep list was checked off, so I inevitably drifted off to a sleep while watching the raindrops race across the car. I am awoken again. We are stopped at a large store and I wonder what it is. I read 편의점. A convenience store? I look further to the right. 한식장보페. Korean food room buffet. My father opens my door for me. My mother tells me we are here to eat lunch. We get into the restaurant and there are rows of empty tables with a long buffet table in the far back, stacked with all types of Korean foods and snacks. Suddenly feeling extremely hungry, I take the lead of my family and take a little bit of every entree that looked appetizing. I get to my seat with a full plate and begin to eat with my family. I fill my mouth with some rice, kimchi, and spicy pork. I am shocked. This food is so delicious!! I prevent myself from eating too fast so that I can eat more and I clean my plate, feeling full and satisfied. As I eat some mochi, my gives me some iced plum juice to drink in order to help with digestion. I think of my prior mistake with plumb juice, but I drink anyway. It tastes very sweet and refreshing! We leave the place and get back on the road. I begin to drift off again, but my brother wakes me up right as I'm about to fall asleep. We drive up a driveway and I see rows upon rows of tall corns. I look around, the mountains hiding behind clouds while a light shower coats the plentiful flora with water droplets. I am stunned by the beauty of this area. The sounds of nature and slight smell of burning wood reminds me of the Philippines, but the flora and beauty reminds me of Hawaii. I feel like admiring nature for the entire day. I head into the tall house, sad to leave the outside. The house is a very comfortable, cute and clean Adobe. It reminds me of the house from a game where you have to help a man reach the moon before he dies. The layout reminds me of the first floor of the house and I feel a strange sort of belonging. I feel like I know this place and feel comfort although I have never been here and know absolutely nothing of the area. After watching some television with my brother and grandfather, I decide to go outside to enjoy the nature. With an umbrella in one hand and my camera in my other hand, I look around, ready to shoot. I feel disappointed that I can't fully record every sense, the tone of calmness among the beauty and wonder of the world while a soft pitterpatter notes the falling rain from above. I hear birds calling from afar and that distant static sound that only comes in the very early morning when even the sun struggles to wake up. In a place like this, it's no wonder that Internet is not present. I look closer and see the differences in the plants and bugs here. Things look similar from afar, but close up, everything looks so different and beautiful. Even while driving here, I could be looking at a different kind of bird in the air and I feel like I'm in a different world. Everything interests me and has a beauty, so I record and take pictures of everything I see. I stay outside for a good hour or two before heading back in, looking off into the distance and pondering life. I get back in the house an study Korean as my mother prepares dinner. On the television, the cast of running man visit a haunted house/ village type thing. My mother feeds me the Korean version of Hello Panda - 칸쵸 - and I feel so blessed. I turn around, getting drawn in by the way that Korean television pulls your attention and makes you invested. I turn back around and the table Is filled with food. We eat our dinner, a chicken rice soup with kimchi and a fish soup that I didn't try. My grandpa was talking about something to my mother and father. I tried my hardest to listen and understand, but all I got out of it was that my grandpa either got stabbed by something in his chest or he felt some pain in his chest, so he went to the pharmacy. My grandfather looks very sweet and I wish I was able to speak with him, but I just listen until my mother tells me to rest on the sofa. I do so and watch sports and news with my brother and father for a long while. We watch a baseball game and see news about France. Then, the program changes to a singing type program and my mother joins us. I wash my face and brush my teeth and go back downstairs. My family watches television as I type this post and drink water from the table behind them. I feel so blessed that I get to visit the country side of Korea and I already love it so much more than the city. I love technology, but nothing beats the amazing beauty of nature and having privacy. It's nice to take a break from the 24/7 발리 and absorb my surroundings. Today was amazing and chill and I can't wait to go out and swim tomorrow. These days pass quickly and as I see my progress, I look forward to what comes. For now, however, I gotta head onto bed. I sleep on the floor on a map, reminiscent of my days in Hawaii, on the second floor alone. Welp, I hope everyone else is also having a fantastic time, definitely visit Korea for scenery some day! Good night~~!
Today, I will go to my host family's grandparents' house. I will not have any access to internet for the next two days, but I will still write. However, I won't be able to actually update this blog until I get back home and get back to internet.
Also. Pokemon GO came out in Korea yesterday.
I know what i'm going to be doing in the subways.
(studying korean, duh)
-end
or so i thought. apparently its only out in North Korea. Rip.
I woke up today two hours earlier than I usually do in order to get some of my homework finished. Instead of staying up late last night, I decided that, for the sake of my mental and physical health, it would be good to get sleep immediately and wake up early in order to finish my homework and prepare for the tests that I had today. So, I reluctantly got myself out of bed and I went outside to finish up the homework that I had left. I went into the garden that was outside of my house. It was the first time that I went there to study. 분위기가 종아해하지만 mosquito들을 많아요!!! 진짜 시원했어요. 미래에 저는 집 근처에 공원이나 our garden에서 공부하려고 해요~. I finished my homework and only had about 15 minutes to eat before I had to leave for class. Today, my mother made toast, a watermelon smoothie, and scrambled eggs with cheese. It was super delicious even though I had to scarf it down and get rushing towards school. I made it to school on time, but the ride on the subway was insane busy. The lady in front of me kept leaning on me because of how crowded it was, and her back was sweaty. Not gucci.
From the subway station to the actual school itself, I had my book out and was memorizing the two stories that we had to memorize. Later in class, we would have a test where we had to recite one of the two stories in front of our teacher. Class was pretty difficult because the vocabulary was completely new, the grammar concepts were a bit confusing, and we moved quickly. On the test, we had questions about the different ways to say 'to wear.' For that part, I'm absolutely sure I got a lot of things incorrect. However, I believe that I did pretty well on the test.
After class, my group of friends went to a Japanese restaurant that was nearby sookmyung. We had already eaten there, but we had to find something quickly. I got this spicy ramen noodle pork thing. It was very good. Afterwards, I headed towards the bank with Ariel to transfer my 20$ bill into 원 while the rest of the group went to Tonimori because they were having a 30%-50% sale. Ariel had to leave while we were waiting for our turn, because she had to get to class. I also ended up having to leave because the line was moving slowly and I had to go to my Taekwondo class.
During Taekwondo class, we practiced the different types of actions that will be performed during our cultural presentation day. We did all of the possible actions, including expert ones, but I personally got chosen to work on round house kicking because it was my 'strength.' The teacher is super funny and I really enjoy my Taekwondo class.
After Taekwondo class, we started to head to the exit of the subway station to meet our other friends. Along the way, these two students asked us for donations to pay for their tuition for next year. One was Japanese, the other was American. It was cool to talk to them and help them out, and in return, our friend Trudi was able to receive a small hand bag for headphones or coins or whatever. At the start of the program, I couldn't talk nor understand a word that Trudi spoke, but as I spoke with her this time, I understood a lot and was actually to respond to her! That made me very excited!
Next, we went to a school that starts with ㅎ and has an ㄴ somewhere in the first letter. However, the area did not seem friendly or even had that much to do, so we left the place and went to a different university. This university had a friendly environment. Although didn't see any foreigners there, I felt safer and more welcome. We went through some makeup stores and ended up buying pizza and chicken from pizza hut.
Then, we went to a cafe and I ate a LOT OF CAKE. end of story. I got home and spoke with my host mother for a long time and now I'm finishing up this blog.
Tomorrow, I'm going to meet my host grandparents! I am super excited and will write more. However, for now, I an so super tired!! I will now go to sleep ^^~
I played piano and went to sleep after eating dinner. I slept until about 5:00AM the next morning. I brushed my teeth and went back to sleep. I woke up 10 minutes before my alarm and remained there, wanting to continue the story line in the dream that I was having-- it wasn't particularly a good dream nor a bad dream, but the story line was definitely intriguing and I wished to see what direction the author of the dream was going to take. When I finally got myself up again, I felt much better than the day before. I still felt tired because I was still sick, but I didn't feel sad anymore! I prepared for the day and ate breakfast with my family.
I couldn't contribute to the conversation that my mother, father, and brother was having, so I tried to listen to their conversation and understand it. However, I couldn't understand what they were saying, other than talking about the pain my brother felt from his leg being a little broken from the soccer match and something about dying. I headed to school, immersed in my music once more. Above the music playing in my ear, I could hear the sounds of the city still, but having this background music allowed me to stay in my own world and progress through my route with, although not a spring in my step, a cheerful pace. I went slowly and looked around the city, noting my surroundings and enjoying each moment as it passed.
I passed through school normally. During one of the breaks, me and Ariel rushed over to a pretzel store nearby because she was hungry. We finished class shortly and went to eat breakfast, preparing to meet our supporters once more. Me and a couple of friends went to a mandu restaurant and the restaurant owner taught us how to eat the mandu, including making the sauce, and actually feeding me the dumpling herself. She was very kind and made sure that we ate well. The people near the university are very kind people and I appreciate their existence.
Afterwards, we met with our supporter at the cafe in which we met two days prior. We went over the first assignment in a book that he gave to us during our last meeting. It was based on first time meetings, talking about name, hometown, personality, hobbies, and what you want to do for a living. At first, it was hard for me to understand my supporter, but as time passed, I got a hold of his speaking style and I was able to understand more and more. I got a green tea frappuchino again (it's way too good) and my friend also tried one as well. She liked it.
After meeting with our supporter, we all went over to a cafe close to the university and we worked on homework. Then, we headed back home.
At home, I took a shower and ate dinner with my mother. We talked a lot in Korean. I'm still terribly horrible at speaking in Korean, but I think that I am getting better. My progress in speaking is horribly slow. We talk about scary movies, my mother traveling to Europe soon for a class reunion that was planned for 30 years, and my father going to Busan on a business trip. In terms of reading and writing, I am progressing proficiently. However, I am struggling to catch up in my speaking and my listening feels like a lost cause. (i know it isn't, but that term just feels right to use in that sentence) We keep talking until about 9:00PM and then I work on my homework.
I have to much homework, it's insane. Two chapters, three things to memorize and I haven't even touched my vocabulary and I got even more homework from my supporter. I save some for tomorrow morning (I will wake up early to finish it) and I finish writing this blog so that I can tend to my current needs of sleep.
Today was a much better day than yesterday. I am super tired, so I will end this here, but I hope you all reading this out there are enjoying your time, where ever you may be. Cheers!
I end up going to sleep at almost 3:00AM, studying very hard. I would have stayed up for longer, but I was starting to get sick, so I knew that having no sleep would have greatly exacerbated my oncoming illness. So, I stopped studying without getting to the end, and I went to sleep. I woke up sometime around 6:55AM, five minutes before my alarm clock was to sound. I stayed in my bed and held my alarm clock in my hand in anticipation of the ringing. Right as I began to fall asleep, my alarm went off. I felt more awake this morning than yesterday morning, but I still had to drag myself out of bed. My throat felt scratchy, but it was in the transition phase of becoming a sickness. I felt horrible and sad. Horrible because I was tired and sick. Sad because I stayed up very long to study Korean, but i'm still horrible at Korean among many other things.
I decided that I was going to wear clothing to match my mood. I wore a grey long sleeve shirt, bulky faded green pants, and a spacious darkish blue jacket. Feeling fabric cover almost all of my body, I instantly felt 100 times better; I felt more comfortable and protected in my little shell of clothing. Because Korea is a bit hot and humid, my parents were wondering why I was wearing such clothing during a summer day, but I just explained that it was the type of clothing I wore whenever I was sick. I needed my battle armor that day. I was feeling a bit depressed, so I didn't eat much (also, being sick made my appetite small). My parents spoke like two lines of Korean to me, but I couldn't understand it at all and was forced to default to a translation. Great :/
Today as I waled out of the house, I felt very horrible and depressed, so I decided that I was going to listen to some music and stay in my own little world as I went to school. I played my music and it was instant relief. I found the things that I liked about Korean and I reminded myself of my progress in such a short time. There is still such a long way to go, but I'm actually here, in Korea!, to learn Korean. My mood was lifted. Today was a solo type of day, just a day for me to be with myself and for me to take a break from trying so hard to get to know everyone.
I got to school in my own little world, looking up at the buildings and pretending that I was the only one walking down the street. I got to the lobby sweating and sat right in front of the air conditioner and, fortunately, nobody else was there. I could cool down my body with the air conditioner AND have some solitude, perfect! About seven minutes before we headed to class, a friend showed me her fanfiction of being a gudetama and I read it. I honestly did not feel like talking to her to reading the fanfiction, but I did anyway and it had a funny plot twist that I appreciated. In class, we switched seats based on a random drawing. We all picked a folded piece of printer paper and had to sit in the chair number that was designated from the paper. I got seat 1. Being sick and desiring some me-time, I was not super cheery in class. In fact, I was quiet and kept to myself. I looked sad because I was, but I knew that it was just a temporary feeling that would pass if I gave effort on moving on.
As class passed on, I discovered that I could understand more of the words being said and I felt my Korean level at a slightly higher level than usual. By focusing on myself, I was already doing better. However, I started feeling more and more sad as class passed on. I couldn't really talk to the person I sat next to because we didn't click in any way, and I also didn't feel like talking to other people for prolonged amounts of time, so I didn't put much effort into talking. Also, I was sick, so I just felt horrible all the time. However, I do find some comfort in being sick. I associate the feeling of being sick with days of skipping school, staying in bed while watching movies and eating skycrackers with nutella. I associated it with days of my past that I can look fondly back on. I felt comfortable due to the feeling that my illness gave me, but it didn't feel like it usually does when I am sick. It felt very new. Comfortable, yes, but not comparable to anything that I had ever felt.
Anyway, I felt worse and worse up until the start of the second class. In the first class, we played two games using vocabulary from the current chapter. The class was split in half, and a representative from each group had to go up. At first, I was called upon, but someone else, thankfully, took my place. In the first game, a word was written on the board behind the representative and we had to act out or use Korean to describe the word that was on the board behind the representative, but I was really bad at the game and also didn't feel very energetic, so I ended up not participating that much, only really watching. For the second game, the representative was given a word to draw and we had to guess it. Although I had studied the words all night, I was not able to guess any of the words at all, so I felt really horrible.
As the class ended and out break began, I felt like crying, but I was in class and had no good reason to cry at that moment, it was just something that felt natural to my body at the time. I felt bad for being sad in front of other people, but I was trying my hardest to control it. I did the trick where you bite a pen so that it forces your smiling muscles to activate, and I listened to some more of my music while reading some sentences in my Korean workbook to keep my mind busy, and I slowly but eventually felt a lot better. Then, as my teacher started class, my sadness left. I felt comfortable, calm, and with myself. I did, however, stay in solitude and probably looked very sad, but I was just having a 'me-time' day.
Again, I was able to understand almost everything during class today, however sad I may have looked. I felt very satisfied that I was able to understand a lot, but there still were some things that I didn't understand. However, this time around, I felt no sadness. In fact, I felt very happy and satisfied and honestly enjoyed my time in class. I wasn't able to embody my feeling because 1. I was running on less that 4 hours of sleep 2. I was feeling horrible from being sick 3. I was more focused on myself, and didn't want to fake outside happiness-- if my body wanted to look sad, it was going to look sad, I wasn't going to repress it.
I went home by myself today. I decided that because I was sick, I didn't want to get other people sick and I didn't want to strain my body, so I had better go home right after class ended. People were worried about me being all alone and stuff, but I needed my solitude, and let them know that I was doing better. I took some pictures of the campus and by being by myself, I was able to go where ever I wanted at what ever pace I wanted and I was able to focus on whatever I wanted as well. I noticed a lot more of the city and took my time, strolling through the buildings in a city where nobody stops to smell the roses.
Before getting home, I decided to explore Bangbae a bit, I wanted to see my city at my own pace, pushing myself off my path and allowing myself to walk slowly and look at everything while people pushed past me. It's an honest shame that everyone is so rushed by the 발리 culture and they don't go slowly sometimes, taking everything in and living in the moment. There were no benches on the sidewalk and no place to sit, so I had to take everything in without being able to just sit and allow my senses to be stimulated. I went into a 999 원 store and took my time looking at everything that was offered and eventually got a few snacks and a drink, trying new things. The cashier was very 발리 발리 and ignored my '안녕하세요,' but actually greeted the next person that entered, while I was ignored as I entered. Oh well, not a big deal I guess, it's just a different culture that feels cold to me.
I then walked further and further until the buildings started to become more and more boring, and then I crossed the street and headed back. I had a stationary shop (alpha) in my sights as a destination, but I looked down a road and saw a ton of shops, so I took a detour and explored a side-road. I discovered some cafes and stores that I had never known to exist. I saw a man help a stranger back up her car without one word. A good side of this different culture played right in front of me as I tried to get myself to match into the seemingly unfriendly (at least to me) 발리 culture. I wanted to have small conversations with people on the road or talk to the store owners or some store workers, but I knew that it was not in their culture to do that. I felt very limited and sad that I couldn't make some type of relationship with these people that I would probably never see again, but I accepted the cultural difference and walked back to the main road.
Feeling a bit sweaty and tired, I went into the stationary store, seeing that it was the largest alpha that I had seen. Being excited, I started to look at the merchandise, and got super excited. The music was by IU and the merchandise, although useless to me, was extremely cute! The store owner asked me something briskly in Korean, but I didn't understand her until the second time. "What are you looking for." she stated, seemingly condescendingly. I felt very unwelcome, but tried to explain to her that I was just shopping. I had to look around the store to see what I wanted to buy. She dropped me quickly and walked around suspiciously, making me a bit uncomfortable. I began to look through everything and took my time, considering if this pencil case fit my aethesthetic, or if the word on the case were really dumb. I headed up an isle, pencil case in hand, and started to look at the pencils in the isle in front of the cash register. I made eye contact briefly with the store owner, something common in America, but she asked 'what.' in a sharp way. I didn't have any questions, but I decided to make it not awkward and asked how much the pencil case was. She took it from my hands and scanned it, not giving it back to me. I continued to shop for a little bit until the lady said something to me in Korean. She was speaking very quickly and her accent was a bit hard to understand, so I tried to explain to her that my Korean wasn't very good, and for her to be patient with me. "I'm sorry, my-" she cut me off by saying something in Korean. It sounded like an attack and she pointed towards what seemed to be the cashier. I was very confused and couldn't understand what she was saying. She kept repeating it, so I tried to play a game of hot-or-cold and got closer to the cashier, pulling my wallet out. I saw a receipt next to the pencil case, so I thought that maybe she wanted me to hurry up, buy the pencil case, and leave. I heard her say 다음 살아요, but that made absolutely no sense in the given context, and she kept repeating it at the same speed, not trying at all to help me understand what she was saying. I then thought "is she kicking me out of the store..?" and I started to head out towards the exit. Then, she started affirming what I was doing. As I began to leave, with an extreme confused look on my face, I understood what she was saying. "다음 살 거야" "next time, buy something." I was very confused because she was speaking to me as if I was just some low person, I was used to people in stores, at the very least, using the polite -요 ending or the more honorific -(스)ㅂ니다 ending, but this lady was using and ending that is only used with friends - a very impolite thing. Now, if she was had a kinder tone, then I would feel that this is normal, but this lady was speaking to me super quickly and had her eyebrows raised, as if her face was saying "do this and no complaining, got it!"
I felt very offended and sickened, and heading out, my mood once again ruined. I was shocked at what just happened. I started to feel absolutely disgusted with Korea's 발리 culture. First of all, if I hadn't seen the store and looked around, how would I know what I wanted to buy? Second, why was she being so condescending with me, a person who obviously was not very good at Korean and is not Korean? There was no patience or any attempt to accommodate. I thought back to the lady in the 999원 shop who wouldn't even stop to give me the time of the day, and the cashiers that work in the convenience store nearby my house who won't even look at the customer. Its definitely a difference in culture, but it feels so cold and uncaring. I felt extremely disgusted with Korea and started to generalize Koreans in my head, but I remembered not to be frustrated and to embrace all the differences. I thought back to my Korean teacher who was so nice and caring, and my mother, who was very kind to me. I sighed, being thankful that my experience in Korea wasn't just as an outsider. If I had not experienced what Koreans are like on a personal level, I would honestly think they were the most rude, uncaring people that I had ever met. As I think of the first thing that I actually really disliked of Korean culture, I started to compare it with American culture. However, I remembered that each culture is different in many ways and that there are also individual cultures within cultures. I remember some NSLI-Yians talking about a friendly 7/11 cashier who wanted to learn English and talked to them as they were getting merchandise from the store. I also remember the kind restaurant owner from yesterday that made me feel very warm and welcome. I still feel very offended and shocked from my experiences today, but I know that I will have to accept these differences. I walk home and take a shower.
After my shower, I begin to do my Korean homework. As I charge my ipod next to my computer, it falls about 1 foot. I think nothing of this. I try to use kakao talk and press the homescreen button, but it is now broken. Ok. Today is just REALLY not my day. As many things today try to pull me down, I think of the good things and my family and I push back up. Today is honestly a really horrible day, hopefully the worst day that I have in Korea. However, a horrible morning, noon, and afternoon does not make the night bad as well. It's up to me (and chance) to keep my spirits up and just live through whatever mess my life is at this moment in time, knowing that things are temporary. I live through my hardships and I live through my successes.
(additional update on how my night actually went coming up as soon as I actually get to the night)
For now, just enjoy this catchy and funny advertisement:
