Day 27

Today I woke up at 9:30AM. I kept pushing back my alarm until 10:00AM and then stayed in bed for a bit before getting myself washed up. I dressed up in clothing for going out, because it was the weekend and I'm not doing enough outside of my house. I wanted to shop for clothing in Seoul station and watch a horror movie to end the day, but nobody wanted to come with me or they were unavailable, so I just went by myself.

Before leaving, I re-updated my blog to include Friday and Saturday's events, which took me a long while. My aunt and sister were awake and soon, my aunt's daughter was also awake. We ate breakfast together and I finished up my blog. My sister was having a piano lesson and my aunt and her daughter were out somewhere I think, so I just left alone. Walking down my road, I felt really sad that I had to be alone in Korea once again, but I just blasted my music so that I could at least ignore everyone around me and be in my own little world.

Instead of doing what I originally planned to do, I decided that I was going to explore Sadang, because I always transfer at that stop, but I had never actually seen the city there. I walked around in the subway for a while before going out of different exits and going back in to see where other exits lead me. It was kind of a dead place to be honest, at least in the morning. I walked around some more and found a place called 'Pastel city.' It was this really large building that had a bookstore on the bottom, a clothing store on the second floor, and restaurants everywhere else. I got a few school supplies and tried to find Crime and Punishment in Korean, but it was sold out.

Going out alone was 3/10 this time. It wasn't absolutely horrible like last time, but I can't say that I had a fun time being alone and not knowing anything or being able to talk to anyone. I got some food at a nearby Paris Baguette and I just watched YouTube videos there and ate bread there by myself, being the only foreigner among a crowded restaurant. I really, really wanted to go to a PC bang, but I didn't want to go by myself because 1. I don't know how to act 2. I don't know how to talk to people to know how to act and 3. I didn't want to embarrass myself because of points 1 and 2. When in a group, anything is fine because it becomes a bonding experience and memory. When alone, however, its just a rough experience and you can't laugh it off during that moment.

I went home, feeling sweaty from the heat, and I tried to go on the other side of the road while going home so that I could stop by the cafe that I saw on Saturday and study there, but I passed it without knowing and just ended up going straight home. I wanted to go up and hike through the mountain right next to my house, but I was afraid that I was doing something wrong, so I left it to be done at a later time.

I got home and added pictures and videos to my blog posts and watched a couple of youtube videos before eating dinner with my family. My father and brother had returned from being out to attend my grandparent's anniversary of passing, so we all ate together. I then studied Korean some more and wrote this blog. I'm now going to prepare for tomorrow and go to bed.

I can't wait for tomorrow to come and for everything to be so much better once more. I feel so stupid not knowing enough Korean to be able to participate in all these conversations and even though I'm working so hard, it never feels like it's enough. When i'm in school and see my progress, however, I do feel like i'm getting somewhere and I have the relief of talking to people who are also kind of going through what I am going through as well.

Class just goes by so quickly and I don't have enough time to cement my knowledge on subjects and vocabulary-- everything that I am learning is completely new to me while other people already know a little, a lot, or all of what is being taught. I'm not comparing myself to people, but it's just really disheartening to try your hardest to participate in a conversation where other people can easily speak Korean and you can't even understand one word.

I await my mother's return. I always talk to her about my day and she listens to me. When I talk to her, I can understand more or less what she is saying, and I get to practice my Korean without feeling like a complete idiot. She comes back next Monday I believe, so until then, I will just study super hard and I guess continue what I am doing and try to take as much opportunities as I can. If I could speak Korean well, it would be so much easier to have an amazing time, but right now I'm working my hardest to get the most out of what I can.

I hope everyone back home is all right and getting using their vacation time wisely. I know that my sister passed her PCAT exam, so I'm very proud of her! Well, for now I will say goodbye, but look again tomorrow and I will..... see ya!



-end